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in the spring, I chose to use the word "solitude" as
opposed to the word "lonely". I was reading a book on
biblical principles through loneliness and a sentence caught my
attention, "Turn your loneliness into solitude, and your
solitude into prayer." The Holy Spirit convicted me that I had
been using the label "lonely" as a salve for self-pity.
Telling myself (or others) that I am lonely, can be very melodramatic
and can sound rather heroic. I committed to change my frame of mind
by no longer calling myself lonely but simply living in solitude and
I have discovered there is great beauty in the solitude rather than
the loneliness.
The word "lonely" implies a depression, feeling completely empty, lost, and unwanted. As believers, those who have put their faith in Jesus Christ alone for eternal salvation, we know that with Christ we are never alone or lost (Deuteronomy 4:31, 31:6, Psalm 27:10, 2 Corinthians 4:9, and Hebrews 13:5). "Solitude" has an almost serene sense about it as if it is a choice to step away from the craziness of life to get away by oneself and the Savior. Solitude still means being alone, but there is a peace that passes all understanding as we grow in maturity and knowledge of our Savior. I desire my life to be characterized by the fear of the Lord (a constant awareness of God's presence) and a quiet peace that comes from time spent in secluded prayer and communion with Jesus, as opposed to bustling social life and no characterization of personal quiet times with Jesus.
There are differences I see behind the hearts of loneliness and solitude The first is that loneliness causes us to look ahead instead of living in the current season ("To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1 ). When we focus on our lack of social life or the rejection we have experienced, we often tend to become desperate, looking forward, begging with God to get us out of this hardship, instead of allowing God to do the good work in us that He desires to do. This principle can be applied to physical pain as well. When I clench up, grit my teeth and try to endure the coming wave of pain, it is worsened by my tenseness of body and emotions. Compare that to when I relax my body and allow the pain to wash over me. It is still pain, but the tautness of my body and nerves decreases as I allow the work of pain to do its job; as I thank God for the pain. Part of our walk as a Christian is to believe that Jesus Christ is sovereign over every part of our lives and that includes our social acceptance and interactions. He would not have sent the trial were it not for our good and He has so much He wants to teach us, but it is our decision of how we will utilize the season. Will we endure or will we abound? Commit to allowing the Lord to do His perfect work in your suffering of loneliness or rejection, instead of looking for the way out of the pain, and you will find a new joy as you walk in the will of your loving Heavenly Father.
The
second point is very similar to the previous one but different in
another way. Loneliness causes us to focus solely on ourselves, our pain, our experience, our rejection, our trouble. With this mindset, we miss out on experiencing the beauty of solitude that helps us focus on Jesus ("...we would see Jesus."
John 12:21b). As my dad puts it, our world is very large, but when we focus on our loneliness our world begins to grow smaller and smaller until we are completely taken up in a selfish focus on our woes. We grow bitter as we dwell on our wilderness of loneliness and we miss out on being able to hear from the Lord as He teaches us about ourselves. We have time for self-examination that we can only do when we are alone. The Lord shows us truths
about ourselves and He exposes sin or maybe a deeper understanding of
how He made us. This is a gift from the Lord that, if used
wisely, will bear great gain that will last into eternity. If we are
focused outward more than inward, we miss out on delighting in
the special love Jesus longs to pour out on us in our season of
isolation and pain. Come to see the times of solitude as a great
opportunity from the Lord to dive deeper in your relationship with
Him.
In
closing, I want to be sure that I do not come across as
"sugar-coating" the real emotional pain of loneliness and
rejection. I have been there, I know it and there are many times when
I just cry, but by God's grace, He shows me there is a deeper meaning
to joy than in social relationships, events and acceptance by others.
His love is greatest and there have been many times when I have just
asked Jesus to wrap His arms around me and comfort me in a way that
no one else could at the moment and He has come so close to me,
meeting me in my pain. He hurts with me, but He brings the truth of
His promises through His Word to my heart and comforts me with His
presence and His truth. Being physically or emotionally alone is
suffering, it is a wilderness, but as we change our viewpoint from
our circumstances to our Savior, our suffering becomes a pathway that
brings us closer to Christ and to being conformed more like Him.
